When People Seek To Ruin You For No Reason

So it's an interesting thing. People are so petty, and they do things to sabotage people who haven't actually done anything to them. It's like they have to get you before you can get them or something, even if you aren't going to get them. For example, one guy that I met a while ago. he was teaching a class I thought I was excited to be in. But then he had one class left and he told my friend to tell me that he didn't want me in the last class. it's one hour of one night, and it was the last class. he couldn't just let it go for one night when it could've gone without being said? I mean I thought he was being hostile toward me. But before that I had continually told myself that it was just me being paranoid, because I'm always worried about if I'm offending someone, and it's not always true. It usually makes for fairly descent relations with people. But obviously not this time. I only ask that you tell me if I'm doing something wrong, and then I can try to fix it. If you don't tell me and I have to speculate, I might get it, I might not. But I like to be for sure, because how can you expect the average person to change something if they don't know they're doing anything wrong.

Anyway, then he and a few other guys went out to dinner with my brother, and my brother thought he'd ask how the class was going, because he knew I was in it. So this guy starts telling my brother that I tried to do all these bad things and I hurt somebody and all this stuff. So I get my brother asking me about why I did all this stuff, and I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. I love my brother, but sometimes he's a bit clueless. I mean once he figured it out, he went into the oh well you were just too good for all of them kind of stuff, being a good brother or trying. But it was way too late by then, and really I had just been the new guy kind of thing. I was the first new one in quite a while, so I'm sure it was frustrating for more experienced people. But I was trying my best. It was my first time doing anything even remotely like that. So I had no point of reference to work off of. And whenever they gave me feedback, I did my best to impliment it. But the particular reasons why they said they didn't want me in the last class, somebody I would hope would've told me, but nobody ever did. I mean they gave me feedback, but nothing like that. I've taken other classes similar, but not really similar to that. they were all sports, physical kind of stuff. I wasn't always the top performer in the class. But i always did my best, and I always followed feedback to the best of my abilities.

In one class, it was all boys, and there was a certain idea that girls just couldn't measure up or something. So I had to be at least one step ahead in every run, kick higher, run farther, run faster, kick harder, punch harder, do everything better than everybody else to be even considered not just some girl, and I pulled it off. I was always more likely to get hurt in classes than I ever was to hurt anybody else. Nobody ever got hurt from me. I got a few bruises and stuff, but I never hurt anyone else. I mean I got the wind knocked out of me on one occasion so hard that I fell on the ground. I was trying to get up, but not being able to breath and being kicked that hard, he felt really bad. When I was finally able to talk, I managed to spit out something like that was amazing, which really sealed my place in the group, because they thought for sure that would break anyone. But all I could think about was how amazing the kick was. When other girls would come into the class, I held myself back anyway so as to make sure not to hurt anyone, except of course when we were kicking certain types of targets. Then it was a competition to see who could kick it out of the holder's hand or who could kick it over or this or that, and I did pretty well. But in contact with an actual person, I always held back, especially with people I hadn't been working with forever, because I've always been petrified of hurting someone.

So when he had my friend tell me not to come to the last class, I was hurt, I was pissed because he couldn't even say it to my face. But mostly, I was wondering who I had been "too rough" with, why I had never gotten that feedback, if I hadn't been watching myself closely enough, etc. I mean I would stop short of the points they wanted me to go to sometimes, because I didn't actually want to hurt them. I had one guy tell me to go until he tapped. But I was so afraid that something would go wrong and I'd go too hard or something. It took me a few times to get to the point where I would dare go that far, and then he was really excited. So I could imagine him being frustrated that I held back and didn't complete it til he tapped. But wouldn't that contradict the idea of me being too rough with someone else?

Either way, when he said all that stuff that was completely baseless to my brother, that was another level of something else. I mean if you don't like me, you don't like me. But to make things up about me first of all is bad, and then to talk to my brother and say all this stuff about me out of nowhere, that is just something else. I had to sit there and prod my brother to get him to finally tell me who it was he talked to, because he is a bit clueless sometimes. But when he finally clued in on oh....she had no idea and now she feels bad and hurt and all these other things, then he shut his mouth on who it was. But I am extremely persistant, so he finally gave in. It's one thing to be talking to all your buddies and say like oh this girl is some bitch or something, even if it's not true. But too suddenly try to get their family in and say a bunch of stuff that isn't true. Wow.

I told my friend after that, I said you know my brother, he finally just blew everything out of proportion and exaggerated what was actually said, but please don't discuss crap about me with him. My friend had no idea what I was talking about, and I was really keeping it as light as I could, trying to just be nice about it. But I ended up explaining to him what I had been told, going into well I'm sure it was just a mistake and an exaggeration on his part, but I would prefer to not have that kind of conversation with my brother in the future. My friend was the one apologizing to me, when it hadn't been him who said it. But being that his friend never talks to me and I never talk to his friend, that's who it goes through. I feel bad about that. Honestly, I was blown out of the water as to what I could have possibly done to make someone want to say stuff like that about me to my brother. And I keep telling myself to be the bigger person, even now. But I am still honestly blown away by it. My friend told me at the first class you know this is a great guy, don't go falling in love with him or anything. I laughed, and I give everyone a fair chance, even if I get the scumball vibe from them in the beginning, because you can always be wrong. But honestly, this is a level I've never actually seen before or since.

Since then, whenever my friend talks about going to that class in front of me, I say nothing. When he brings me into it like oh it's a lot of fun right, I am a big girl and I put a smile on and I say oh ya it's a lot of fun. And I've even seen his friend since, and I didn't really talk to him. But I gave the standard friendly oh hello and all of that stuff, because as an adult, it's what you do. I haven't actually heard him talk about it lately, and I haven't seen his friend lately. I don' t know if he moved or just stopped doing the classes or if they had a falling out or something. Honestly, I'm not going to ask. But it's a relief to me in some ways, because putting on the smile and everything, it can be hard on the soul.

And at this point, I write because in speaking, I am apparently articulate. But it doesn't seem to get it out, it doesn't seem to cover the bases for me. In writing, especially on a blog, there is a good chance no one will ever read it, and I may even prefer it that way. But getting it out, it helps. I mean I can't tell my friend how much it hurt my feelings, I can't tell him how glad I am that I haven't heard about the class or his friend in a while or tell him how hard it is when we would be in the same room or anything like that. I mean he was there for every moment I was around his friend. So at least, his friend can't tell him that I said anything nasty to him when I didn't. I mean I don't have his number, I don't have his email, I don't see him or talk to him outside of when he's hanging out with my friend, and whenever we're in the same room, he's there too to witness anything that could possibly be said or done. I would act like a big girl anyway. I just don't want to be accused of something else I didn't say or do. I don't tell him how I think his friend's a dishonest little snake with serious issues or something to have to make up things about someone he doesn't even know. For me, this is like writing in a journal that no one will ever see, no one will ever read, but at least I have the things I really feel out of me, so they aren't just eating away at me, at least for the moment. Right now, I just don't know what I did to make him want to say all of these horrible and baseless things about me, especially to my brother. And a little part of me hopes that they are not friends anymore, that that's why I haven't heard about him, heard about the class, seen him, anything like that lately. That's a part of me I feel ashamed of. But at the same point in time, I think in this situation, would it be normal not to feel that way?