Birth "mothers" deserve no credit

"Birthmothers" bother me. I'll put it out there. They bother me. They get all high and mighty saying well it wasn't the right time for me and I never planned on that child and that ruined my life or bla bla bla bla bla. Do you think it was really convenient for that child to feel unwanted, neglected, abandoned? Do you think they wanted to be born to a mother who didn't even want them there in the first place? And I heard of one in particular who came back and then whined about what a slob, how horrible, what a brat her now 23 year old daughter was that she gave up. You weren't there to raise her, because you chose not to be! Who left here! I mean who is she to judge anyone, especially the adoptive parents or that girl for becoming essentially the same person she was and apparently still is! And prudence on MSN hit it on the nose saying you know it sounds like nature being that you're acting the same way and you were the one to leave and then reappear 23 years later, toting along your other daughter who you decided to keep. That is a slap in the face in itself. and then this daughter could guaranteed feel that her own birth mother didn't like her. So how's that supposed to make her feel. All this "mother" could do is whine about how oh well I never wanted her then and now she's a brat and I got her a good present and she wasn't even grateful.

I will be honest. I finally found my mother, by accident actually. For years, I hoped that it had all been one big mistake and she still loved me and all that kind of rosy crap, because there were times when that was the only thing I had to hold on to, the only thing keeping me going. So when I found out that she had left of her own volition, it was no mistake, and she still didn't want me, because she thought that I had just come as a curse and ruined her life. That's really bad. I mean there are some who are stronger and some who think in a different way. But as for me, as for quite a few adoptees I've known through the years, there is this feeling, sometimes a feeling you are aware of and sometimes one that lies beneath the surface, but nonetheless this feeling that tells you that the ultimate love is that of your mother, not your father, but your mother. This is the person who will love you when you are unlovable, be there when everyone else has left, and in the rosy imagination of some, that's the way it is. Really, that's the way you would hope it would be. But in the mind of an adopted child or maybe a foster child who believes this, this equals out to I must be some piece of crap that my own mother, the one person who has to love me, hates me enough to leave me behind. And if they somehow end up adopted into a family or living in a foster home that is abusive, that only drillls in that concept in a way. Either way, finding the mother I thought ultimately loved me was the worst possible thing to happen. and obviously, I'm not the only one with a mother so blindingly self centered.